Bad Parenting Traits you possess unknowingly
If you are a parent, you might be thinking that “Is it possible that some parents may have some bad parenting traits?”
It can be true or false.
Unfortunately, it is true.
I have mentioned already in the title that some parents unknowingly have some bad parenting traits. I am not questioning your good intention regarding parenting but some parents are doing these blunders accidentally.
Bad parenting traits can create trouble in your everyday interaction with children, no matter how well educated you are. Here are some bad parenting traits that can destroy the chain of effective parenting.
Bad Parenting Traits checklist
- Talking at your Child instead of with them
- Labeling your Child
- Putting down your Children’s Friends and Playmates
- Parental Drug Abuse
- Domestic Violence
- Maternal Depressions
- Comparing your Child to Others
- Harsh Attitudes towards your Child
- Venting your Frustration on Children
- Discouraging your Child Openly
- Not Setting Rules
- Lack of Support
- Not Being Role Model
- Not Giving Choices to Children
- Showing Trust Not
Let us go through one by one these bad parenting traits and try to assess our parenting style. If there is any flaw in our parenting process, open heartedly accept it, and learn ways to improve it also.
Communication is the key to either open the lock or close it. This thing creates a big difference between effective parenting and bad parenting. Effective parents are the masters of effective communication while ineffective ones are lagging far behind in this skill.
Greenberg Dr. Barbara, a renowned figure in clinical psychology asserts that effective communication is the foundation of effective parenting. You should be effective listeners when you are talking with your child. As a result, children will have a feeling of being listened to which definitely paves the way of healthy relationship.
2 Labeling your Child
Labeling your child with bad identity is equal to killing your child. Now you might be thinking, how I can kill my own child. So dear parents, this is not physical but psychological and emotional murder of your child with your own hands.
Parents ought to understand the difference between bad child and bad choices. Actually, your child may have some bad choices in some areas of her life and you stamp her with different labels like stupid, lazy, late comer, late riser, and many more. Such labels hurt them and result in demotivation. This also lowers child’s self-esteem and spirits.
According to Dr Bernstein, parents are busy in their tight schedules and scarcely have time to spend with the children. So dear parents and guardians, spare a lot of time to find the great qualities hidden in the labelled and locked personality of your child and let her give an opportunity to grow.
3 Putting down your Children’s Friends and Playmates
When your child brings some of her friends, you observe their activities and criticize their negative aspects which instill negative behavior in your own child.
As a result, your child starts mistrusting you and considers that you are degrading her, reminding that her choice is not perfect one regarding the selection of friends. Instead criticizing, you should praise your child’s friends mentioning their good and positive qualities that will help your child to adopt those qualities, they possess.
Dr. Greenberg recommends that children’s friends are very special and unusual to them.
4 Parental Drug Abuse
If any one of you uses drugs in front of your children, it affects badly on them and any one of them may indulge in that abuse by imitating you. It can be dangerous for children’s mental health.
In my area, I observed a person who was habitual addict and used to take drugs in front of his children. He had four children and all of them, in the absence of their parents, started taking drugs that destroyed their lives.
It is a humble suggestion for parents that they ought not to be involved in such activities. By doing this, parents can save not only themselves but also their children.
Grandparents, parents and children collectively make a happy and beautiful family. But, if any stake holder from them is not performing properly and adequately, the results can be embarrassing.
Sometimes, it happens that close relatives, partners, ex partners, or other family members come in your home and threaten in any way to any member of the family. This scene has bad effect on children’s psychology.
You can save your children from mental torture by avoiding this situation at any possible cost.
I am going to share an incident, I experienced. One of my neighbors was spending his life with his small family. One day his brother came and started threatening him that he should vacate the house or he would burn his house and would kill his whole family. This situation had bad effect on his children and they started trembling and weeping thinking what would happen with them. It was heart provoking scene.
6 Maternal Depressions
Unfortunately, in this 21st century of social media and technology, we are still far behind in giving rights to our women. In some backward regions of the globe, women are considered inferior to men. In some families also, same severe challenge is being faced by women.
When a mother or father is maltreated or persecuted in front of children, its bad effect on children’s mind is long lasting.
So, you as a parent must try to avoid these sorts of activities In front of your children and develop mutual respect and understanding.
7 Comparing your Child to Others
The worst thing in bad parenting is that you compare your child to others and desire that she must possess the same good trait. Instead criticizing your child and praising others, you should celebrate your child’s individual talent. This attitude will uplift her and her self esteem will be heightened to a significant degree.
8 Harsh Attitudes towards your Child
Reprimanding and scolding your child is the token of bad parenting. When you use harsh words, your child gets disturbed and becomes hopeless. It can bring negative impact on your child. She fails to understand her parents and it can have bad effect on your child.
Like good parents, your behavior should be good towards your child. You should talk politely and use soft language that possess sweetness and motivation.
9 Venting your Frustration on Children
According to my experience, venting your frustration on children is one of the worst things in parenting children. It shows that you don’t have control on your own emotions and flow with emotions. This sets an example for your children and they follow your pattern of life.
When you discharge your frustration on your elder son, he repeats the same activity with more intensity on his younger siblings and this circle carries on.
The solution of this grim challenge is in the hands of elders of the family. You can identify your personality and behavior pattern in different situations with the help of your mentor or expert psychologist. Following her advice will lead you towards a peaceful life.
10 Discouraging your Child Openly
When your children do some excellent job, you should appreciate them openly In front of all the members of family, and guests also if they are at home. This activity will enhance their self-respect and self-esteem.
Contrary to that if your child does some thing that is not good, you should counsel her separately. This behavior from your side will be encouraging for your child and he will consider you her friend.
If we take the examples of great champions like Jahangir Khan, Jan Sher Khan, Erik Weihenmayer etc., we find one reality that their parents were encouraging and supporting for their children in every walk of life.
11 your Saying “You always….”
Sometimes you generalize some phrases like “you always….”“You will never be…” etc. for your children. (You will never be successful.) You use these types of phrases because of your narrow-minded approach because you are unable to see room for betterment and change.
But reality is that a person can be changed at any time because of the flexible nature gifted by God. Only proper guideline and moral and emotional support from your side can make your child an effective personality.
12 Not Setting Rules
Being authoritarian parents, you usually order your child that ruins your child’s inner capability and talent. She just tries to follow your orders and is unable to use her own talent. As a result, her inner ability is not awakening up to a maximum level.
Child needs structure and boundaries so that she may be healthy individual. She wants discipline at home and if you are spending a disciplined and sound life, she will follow you and become a disciplined personality.
13 Lack of Support
You, sometimes, are unable to manage time to support your child when she needs assistance especially during exam preparation that is very crucial time for the child. You remain busy in work or job and are unable to spare time for the child that enhances her anxiety.
Being responsible parents, you should manage time to support your child during stressing time of performance at school or examinations.
Your timely support will help your child become successful and save her from any sort of anxiety that will brighten her future.
14 Not Being Role Model
One bad thing that is the miserable sign of bad parenting is that you often advise your child that you yourself not bring in practice. Child follows her elders’ activities and considers you role model.
As role model Parents, you should be disciplined in front of your child and act in such a way as you desire your child should adopt. Show positive behavior and good character so that your child may adopt by following you.
15 Not Giving Choices to Children
Child is bound to do what is assigned to her by her parents. Being parents, you try to run your child on your own track and you yourself choose goals for your child and demand her to follow the track, you set for her. This thing disturbs the child as she wants to set and follow her own goals.
Its solution is that you should give your child her own choice for it will bring confidence and courage to take decision which will enable her to face challenges.
16 Not Showing Trust
It is also a bad parenting trait when you do not permit your child to make choices. You feel fear that she will make wrong decision. As a result, she believes that you cannot trust her.
If you want to be good parents, allow your children to take decision and when you will allow and encourage them, they will get confidence and courage that will strengthen their belief and trust which will bring positive change.
Effects of Bad Parenting on Children
Effects of bad parenting traits are harmful on children. Bad parenting traits provoke harsh behavior in children, lack of flexibility in dealing with others, antisocial behavior, low self-esteem, anger, dejection and lack of emotional stability.
Effects of Bad Parenting on Children checklist
- Bad Parenting Provokes Disruptive Behavior
- Lack of Flexibility is the Result of Bad Parenting
- Bad Parenting causes Dejection in the Child
- Anger is produced due to Bad Parenting
- Bad Parenting results Apathy and Unconcern in your Child
- Bad Parenting and Inconvenience with Relations
- Health Problems in Child are the outcomes of Bad Parenting
Let us discuss the effects of bad parenting traits on children in detail without further ado.
Bad Parenting Provokes Disruptive Behavior
In disruptive behavior, a child does not care whether her actions affect others or not. It further leads to substance abuse, mental health problem, domestic problems and many more. It has been observed that when you show serious adverse and oppressive attitude, it paves tragic pathway for your child.
Being sensible parents, it is obligatory to use polite and praising words in front of your children. You should create peaceful and fragrant atmosphere at home that will bring positive and good change in your children in a sound way.
Lack of Flexibility is the Result of Bad Parenting
Mostly as parents, you are strict and show least flexibility towards your child. As a result she becomes strict like her parents. She is unable to learn from her parents to tackle the problems or hardships that take place in the life that is the impact of bad parenting.
Parents should be flexible and teach the child how to face the hardships that come in life. This will enhance confidence and courage in your child to cope with all sorts of challenges in life.
Bad Parenting causes Dejection in the Child
When as a parent, you behave rudely with your child and don’t show soft corner, you teach harshness to your children unintentionally. Rather you give corporal punishment, this very thing brings dejection in your child and she starts thinking negative about you.
As a responsible parent, you ought to have softness for your child and avoid giving punishment, instead motivate her with polite way. And if she does a favorable thing, encourage and praise her.
Anger is produced due to Bad Parenting
Your child is the most precious asset for you and as a parent you desire that your child should be ideal. But the atmosphere which makes your child an ideal is not provided to her.
I have observed many parents who want to make their children superb but they themselves use abusive language with their children. If child makes any sort of mistake, they humiliate their child using harsh and provoking words that is the sign of bad parenting which produces anger in their child.
Being responsible parents, it is your duty to create ideal atmosphere for your children that will bring positive change in your children and encourage them to be ideal in the society.
Bad Parenting results Apathy and Unconcern in your Child
As parents, when you ignore your children’s talent and never appreciate their good activities, they fall a prey to despair. They think that you don’t care for them; they become indifference which is the result of bad parenting.
Dear Parents, you ought to encourage your child and appreciate her if she performs any good activity that will bring confidence in your child. And, she will start trusting herself that will strengthen her belief and morale.
Bad Parenting and Inconveniency with Relations
Dear parents, sometimes, you do not teach your child how to show her feelings in favorable manner. It causes failure for your child in building relations or friendship with others.
Due to bad parenting, your child is unable to gain confidence to make favorable relations with others and it creates trouble for your child. As a result, she considers herself outcast in the society.
Its solution is that as a parent, you ought to teach your child how to express her feelings in a suitable manner that attracts others to make sound relation with your child. And this thing will bring positive change that will boost her confidence.
Health Problems in Child are the outcomes of Bad Parenting
“Health is wealth” is a famous proverb and an undeniable fact. If one is healthy and strong, one can do all sorts of work. On the other hand, if one is sick, one cannot perform well.
So, if you don’t take care of your child’s health, she can be victim of any fatal disease and will fail to lead healthy life that is the result of bad parenting.
It is compulsory that you should take minute details to keep your child healthy and strong. If you succeed keeping your child fit, it is your victory. With healthy body and mind, your child can do wonders in every field of life. As it is easy for her to learn and prosper due to healthy body and mind.
In a Nutshell
A child learns from her elders and follows them. Whatever elders perform, she tries to adopt. As parents, if you show any sort of negativity in front of your child, it has bad effect on your child.
Being good parents, you ought to keep positive behavior and good character in front of your child. Use soft and polite language, be role model for your child.
As a parent, you should adopt such character, behavior and anything good that you desire from your child. There should be similarity between your words and actions.
Firstly, you should know bad parenting traits by keeping softness in mind and heart and analyze yourself as a parent. You can take help from your mentors and seniors because they can find flaws in your parenting styles.
Secondly, you should have a clear understanding of the effects of bad parenting traits on the personality of your child.
Finally, you should learn techniques to be an effective parent and enjoy this beautiful parenting phase of life.
By Ajmal Dass Jaipal