Talking to your kids or children

Parents’ involvement in talking with their kids from birth is of much importance in creating solid link between parents and the children. Talking to your kids or children:

Checklist…

Benefits of good communication with child

Tips that make communication effective

Listen to what your child utters

Importance of active listening

Important tips for active listening

Tips to inspire your child to listen

Measuring your talk with your child

Benefits of your positive tone

Your child wants polite behavior

Roughness is the obstacle to effective talk

Your behavior matters for effective communication

Solid relation makes the communication effective

What makes your child respectful?

Help your child when she needs

Assure your child of her safety

Assure your child of your support  

Be honest with your child

Admit your fault

Save your child from committing suicide

As parents, talking to your kids or children warmly, gently and responsively helps them in feeling safe and secure under your kind and protective shelter.

You succeed in building and strengthening relationships with your children that is the result of talking to your children. You must know that to grow and develop skills, your children need safety, security and strong relationships, so, talking to your children is also essential for their better development.

Benefits of good communication with child

Your good communication gives your child full attention that she needs and her belief on you is consolidated. It appreciates and encourages your child to talk with you about what she feels and thinks. If you listen and respond in a sensitive way to all kinds of things whether nice things and good news or anger, embarrassment, sadness and fear, it generates positive results.

While communicating with your child, you should focus on body language and tone as well as words so that you may really understand what your child is trying to express. Use your own body language to show that you’re interested in what your child wants to share with you.

You should take into account what your child can understand and how long she can pay attention. You can develop and encourage good communication from birth by talking a lot to your newborn and making pauses as though you were having a conversation. When baby starts making noises and babbling, babble back, wait and see whether you get a response.

Tips that make communication effective

As responsible parent, talking to your kids or children brings you close to your kids. To make the communication more effective, you should develop the habit of good communication with your each child, it can help your child to generate skills for communicating with you and other people.

It also constructs your relationship, as it refers the communication through which you give worth to your child’s opinions and feelings.

Following tips can prove fruitful in cultivating good relationship and effective communication. 

1. You should set time for talking and listening to each other. In this regard, family dining time can be utilized to communicate and understand each other.
2. It is good idea to turn off phones, computers and televisions when you and your child are having communication. It is needed because it shows that you and your child are fully focusing on the communication or talk with attention.
3. There should be talk about everyday things which you and your child come across in your way while performing day to day job. If you and your child have established the habit of interactive a lot, it can make the situation more convenient to handle and talk when there occurs or happens any serious or complex problem.
4. You are to openly talk about all sorts of feelings, including wrath, happiness, hindrance, horror and worry. This very thing helps your child improve a ‘spirits words’. You should wait till you’ve soothed down your strong feelings like rage before you talk about her.
5. You must notice about what your child’s body language is telling you, and try to respond to non-verbal messages like gestures, postures or cues too. If you observe that your child looks nervous and silent, you can ask about the problem like saying, “You look very nervous and quiet today. Is something wrong? Or did something happen at school?”
6. You should involve your child in everyday conversations. Your communication is supposed to be simple like you may ask, “What is your idea about this or that, Nirmala? You can share your views regarding the matter.”

Listen to what your child utters

It is necessary to talk to your child effectively but it demands from you to manage the time dynamically in order to listen to what your child has to say. Often, all kids or teens want someone who will listen to them. You should first try to understand your child’s perspective before offering suggestion or advice.

It sometimes happens that your own anxiety prompts you to try to set everything with your own pleasure, thinking it is beneficial for your child. But, you should provide opportunity to your child what she wants and listen to her with concentration. Because, in many cases, the best help, you can offer is to listen attentively which can provide you marvelous results.

Importance of active listening

Active listening is necessary to understand each other. If you are doing something, you are to stop what you’re doing and listen to your child attentively. It is essential because when you are involved in doing your work and your child wants to talk about something important, you often can’t understand the matter properly.

Important tips for active listening     

The key point to understand your child and have effective communication is listening attentively. If you are active listener, your communication will be effective and it will enable you to build strong relationship with your child.

It is so, because active listening shows your child that you care and are interested in her. It also assists you learn and understand more about what is going on in your child’s life.

The tips for active listening

• You should use your body language to make your child realize that you’re listening to her. For instance, you are to come in front of your child to face her and make eye contact. When your child likes to talk while doing activities, you can express you’re listening to her by turning to look at her and getting close to her.
• You can observe your child’s facial expressions and body language. You must remember that listening to isn’t mere hearing expressions, but also about trying to understand what’s hidden behind those expressions.
• You should keep on building close relation with your child by listening attentively and responding politely. After listening to your child what she is telling you, show your interest by saying things like “good, excellent, well-done  tell me more about it”, “Really!” and ‘Go on, you are doing very well”.
• It is considered fruitful if you repeat or rephrase what your child has said from time to time. When you repeat, your child makes sure that you’re listening to her. It helps you notice what your child is uttering.
• You should not try to hurdle or interrupt your child at the time, she is slipping over word while uttering. It is not suitable to cut your child off or stop to finish sentences; even when she says something weird or is taking difficulty in finding suitable words or phrases.
• You are not to hurry in problem-solving. First listen carefully to understand your child fully because she might just want you to listen and feel that her feelings and point of view matter a lot in this regard.
• You are to stimulate your child to tell you how she feels by describing what you think she is feeling. Suppose, your child wants to play with other children and you leave thinking she may not be disturbed in your presence. Rather, she may enjoy the play with her friends. Be prepared in this regard and ask your child to help you understand her feelings.

You should not only show your child how to be a good listener but also help her improve her listening skills.

Tips to inspire your child to listen

It has often been noticed that your child needs some help in order to learn how to listen effectively. You, as parent, can perform wonderful duty in this connection. You should let other people talk in front of her so that she may listen closely again and again to improve her listening skills.

Following tips can help your child’s listening skills.

• You are to be a good role model for your child as your child learns how to talk by viewing you sensibly. If you communicate with your child in a reverential manner, you give an influential message about positive interaction.

• You should first allow your child to finish talking and then respond to her. Talk to her politely and clearly in such a way that she may easily understand your words. In this way you can set a good example of listening for your child. When you listen to your child carefully and attentively, she will definitely listen to you attentively.
• You should use the language and ideas that your child may understand. Your language should be easy and understandable. If you use difficult language, it will be challenging for the child to understand. It can be tough for your child to pay heed if she doesn’t understand what you’re talking about.
• You must make sure that your instructions and requests are simple and clear according to your child’s age and ability.
• As sensible parent, if you want to give productive response, it is good idea to give some positive messages at the same time. Do remember that your child wants to be praised and encouraged so, you should avoid criticize or blame her. Rather, you should say “You’re generally so good at recalling putting your lunchbox in the dishwasher. Can you remember tomorrow please?”

Measuring your talk with your child

It has often been noticed that this seems difficult for us to view our own actions factually. To measure or weigh your talking to your child, you should record your interaction with your child daily and then play and evaluate that how your body language and sound was. It would be easy for you to assess yourself and come to know either you were behaving patiently and lovingly or you were behaving harshly and rudely.

If you find that your communication with your child was full of patience and love, it is fruitful and good. But, if you find that your talk with your child was full of harsh and rude words, you are to think about improving communication skills positively.

Sometimes it happens that you misbehave with your child when she even doesn’t do anything wrong and it often happens when you are tired and later don’t recall what you have done.

You should think seriously about the tone of voice you use, and pay close attention to the way, you can relax it when you speak to your child. Your tone and voice must be polite and loveable even if you’re correcting a behavior problem of your child. Your act of evaluating yourself will lead you to make your communication effective and positive with your child that is solution of your household communication problems also.

Benefits of your positive tone

There are many benefits of your positive tone. Here I am going to describe some significant reasons why your tone of voice and the words you use can make your talk and contacts much more positive and rewarding with your child.

Your child wants polite behavior

It is an acknowledged fact that you don’t feel good when someone behaves rudely with you but if someone communicates in polite manner, you appreciate him. In the same way as you don’t prefer him or her who is speaking to you in a harsh or critical tone, your child will not prefer or appreciate you when you behave same with your child.

On the other hand, you appreciate and love the one who’s talking to you in a calm, reasonable, and nice voice. So, in similar way if your talk with your child is in calm, reasonable and polite, you will be appreciated and loved by your child. You are likely to get more of your child’s concentration and she’ll be more likely to listen to whatever you are saying or uttering.

Roughness is the obstacle to effective talk

It is a common observation that when we yell or speak aggressively to our child, we don’t get good results and harm our relationship with our child. The research shows that yelling can be as harmful as the aggressive discipline is. If you want to make sure about your child that she may listen to you, develop the skills she needs to regulate her behavior; speaking and behaving nicely is clearly the better way to go in this connection.

Your behavior matters for effective communication

Parents are the role model for the child and it is a testified truth. What behavior you show, your child will copy that. If you ignore your child, she will ignore you. So, the best way to get your child to speak nicely to you is to speak nicely to her. But instead, if you continually censure and speak harshly to her, you can guess what harmful result you’ll get from that.

Solid relations make the communication effective

As a parent, you are to talk to your child in a polite manner. If you treat your child with respect and kindness, you’ll consolidate your bond. You should try to say, “Thanks”, “Thank you” and “Please” when you speak to her, and you should further firmly explain to her that you expect her to perform the same job. When you treat each other with respect and good manner, it will bring you closer to each other. But, do remember that your mean words and harsh voice will have the opposite effect, so, avoid such expressions which mar your communication with your child.

What makes your child respectful?

If you behave politely and show respect to your child and others and she notices others who respect you due to your politeness, she adopts this quality as well. As she has observed you using a nice tone of voice at home, she will naturally do this at school and in other settings and gain respect and praise.

With the passage of time, people around your child will comment on her beautiful manners and way of speaking, and she’ll be proud of these skills, and carry them into adolescence and beyond.

Remember that it is your effort to show respect and polite behavior and its result is that your polite teen starts knowing how to express her in a respectful manner. It’s possible because you instill these skills in your child by adopting yourself

Help your child when she needs

As a parent, it is your duty to involve yourself in talking with your child so that you may know her feelings and needs.

Here are some useful and helpful points in starting a conversation with your child and understanding what’s going on in the life of your child.

• You cannot deny that as parent and teacher, you are the first line of support for your child that she needs. It’s of much importance for you to have an open line of communication with your child and build a sense of trust. You must be keen observer of your child in order to know when your child faces difficulties. You should be so polite that she may tell or share her difficulties in order to get it solved by you.
•  The most important thing is to develop ability to identify when your child is struggling emotionally. Sometimes, your child tends to suppress her feelings. If something is troubling her, she may not speak up and ask for support. Sometimes, it happens that she doesn’t realize that help is available. So, it’s essential for you as parent to be able to detect when something is wrong and how to approach your child.
• You should prepare your child to share her feelings and openly talk to you what she considers difficult and challenge.

The following tips can also be beneficial for you to talk to your child effectively.

Assure your child of her safety

If you want to put your child at ease so that she may feel comfortable talking to you, it is vital to make it clear why you are talking with her. You are to reassure her that you are for her help and she needs not to be afraid of you. Further, tell her that you are there to offer support to her.

In normal cases, you as parents consider scheduling a time to talk one by one on a regular basis to be connected with your child. Sometimes, you should have lunch with your child and have polite and effective talk twice or thrice in a week.

Assure your child of your support

While talking with your child if your child tells you, she is feeling sad or upset; you are to reply her appreciating that you’re proud of her for sharing her feelings. It is good thing to let her know that you appreciate the courage she has mustered up to talk with you and for trusting you to help her.

If you come to know that your child needs more help that you can provide, you are to consult with an appropriate professional to fulfill her needs properly. You can take help from your child’s school adviser or the psychologist by talking to the school psychologist.

Be honest with your child

You should try to avoid communicating through writing; rather, you should honestly talk to your child directly. Your child can tell you when you’re not honest. So, be honest with your child in order to make her honest. If you are open, authentic and relaxed, it will help her to be the same.

Admit your fault

It is the duty of both parent as well as teacher to admit the fault if they have. As parent, if you don’t know the answer, it is okay to admit that you don’t have all the answers. However, if your child asks you difficult question that you don’t know, you should make every effort to find an answer.

In the same way, if you commit any fault, accept it rather than cheating and telling a lie. It will have positive impact on her personality.

Avoid your child from committing suicide

To avoid your child from suicide, there are two most important steps. First is recognizing warning signs and second is to get help immediately. Suppose, warning signs may include significant alcohol or drug use, a sudden drop in school performance or talking about death or hurting oneself.

If you believe or come to know that your child is at stake of suicide or she has spoken out to commit suicide, it is urgent for you to call immediately any emergency center for help and stay with her by the time helping authorities reach.

In a nutshell

Effective communication between parents and teachers can bridge that gap which is created by misunderstanding. Ways of communication change by changing times, so, you as a parent ought to learn new methods and techniques of effective communication. As a parent, you should not consider yourself absolute in your understanding; rather take yourself as a learner of parenting process.

 “How to make friends and influence people” by Dale Carnegie is the masterpiece of effective communication in this scenario. Therefore, you may learn some vital tips of effective communication regarding talking to your kids.

Last point that is worth keeping in mind is that quality of your life is determined by the quality of your thoughts and communicating effectively those thoughts to your kids.

So, keep on learning and improving your methods of communication and be an effective parent which is your contribution to pave the way for a healthy human society.

Wish you happy parenting.