Strict Parents

ByProf. Ajmal Dass Jaipal

The definition of strict parents has been changed over the last 10 years. In the current age of science and technology, authoritative parenting has replaced strict parenting style of past era. But unknowingly, some parents are still following the old strict parenting style which is being briefly discussed in the next paragraphs. Along with this, outcomes of strict parenting will also be discussed in detail to alert strict parents.

You as a strict parent ask your child to help out at home and want to control her by hook or by crook. You think that your child should be in your control if she even wants to move from one place to another place. You set boundaries on your child through different ways such as limitations on watching television or spending leisure time with friends.

Being a harsh parent you think that your child is wasting her time and afterwards you put some restriction on her. As a strict parent, you believe that you are doing well and it is good for her, and in order to control your child, you apply more strict rules on your child.

Being strict parent

Being strict parent, you assert your child to put dirty clothes into washing machine by herself. You compel your child make her lunches, breakfasts by herself. As a strict parent you insist her to put her meal on table herself and shouldn’t expect any kind of appreciation.

Being an authoritarian parent you feel ashamed of walking along with your child as you think that she may do some immoral or funny things and through this way you might feel shy in front of other people.

Strict parenting raises angry kids who lose interest in pleasing their parent has been quoted by a famous writer.

Some relevant terms regarding strict parenting are overprotective parenting and over cautious parenting which are being discussed to get a bird’s eye view.

Over protective parents

Over protective parenting means you are doing for your child a lot of things which are unnecessary to do and put plenty of limitation on her that simply make you over protective parents.

No doubt you as a parent has a good intention behind over caring your child but this thing makes you more over protective regarding your child.

In over protective parenting you want what is the best for your child; this is intentionally good but practically not friendly gesture for your child.

Over protecting is good but it can create more problems to your child’s growth and confidence as well.

Over cautious parents

A toddler who is just learning to walk is unstable on her feet; normally in that time you step in and facilitate her, however, continuously discouraging her from being independent. Stopping to your little one from practicing on her footwork can spoil her effort.

Furthermore, it can decrease your child’s learning abilities and confidence rather change her into a weak personality.

This sort of overprotective parenting can be harmful for your child. Interfering to protect her from risky things can keep her away from taking challenges and building confidence and awareness of her own abilities.  

As a famous philosopher has said about such parenting style that the policy of being too cautious is the greatest risk of all.

The parent making lame excuses

The parent who makes lame excuses on the poor performance of her child while taking test and demanding her to re-do is another case of overprotective parenting. Contrary to this, you as a parent can allow your child to learn from her failure and give her another chance to improve herself.

You may find yourself defending the child’s misbehavior and mistakes in front of other people by pretending that mistake has actually been done by your child. While in reality, you as a parent did not teach your child to differentiate between right and wrong.

Outcomes of strict parenting

If you are a strict parent, there will be approximately no emotional attachment and affection with your child. Just because of strict behavior, she will suffer mental illness with high rate of depression surrounding strict environment.

Poor performance in studies and different examinations are also the outcome of strict parenting.

Following are the major problems which your child has to face as a result of your strict parenting model which is very close to authoritarian parenting style.

Self- esteem of your child is lost

Being a strict parent, your child will lose her self-esteem and judgmental thinking about herself and society. Because of self-esteem, your child can be among super achievers and successful people and you as a parent can upgrade her self-esteem by applying different techniques. Giving respect among people and taking decisions regarding different challenges are some techniques among many.

parent making lame excuses

On the other hand, due to her low self -esteem, her language will be immoral or harmful and she would not be able to estimate how powerful and beneficial it could be.

Your child’s creativity and progressive thinking is spoiled

Your child’s depression is often caused by your strict home atmosphere and different expectations placed on her by your immediate family order. The most common problem from the strict family atmosphere is that your child grows up with strict, threatening and violent behavior, and the outcomes of this are worst which may spoil your child’s creativity and progressive thinking.

Such kind of pressure can lead her to sleep deprivation, eating disorders, anxiety, low self-esteem, and weak academic performance. Your child will stop doing herself anything; she will eat a lot, sleep more and her performance at school drops as well. Few children finally have the courage to talk to their parents but mostly the parents mock them by seeing it as weakness and it would worsen the state. 

Seeking help from social media friends, not from parents and family members

It has been observed that a relatively new coping mechanism is being used by children to handle challenges. The new generation is using this new mechanism to deal with trouble at home and increasingly teens are finding support on social media among their peers when they feel unwanted by their family so they crave to seek attention from others.

Depression among youngsters, Strict Parents

The research of the Royal University of Phnom Penh says that approximately 60 percent of students and his faculty members lived with depression with some reporting strict parenting as a major cause.

One of the researchers said in many cases the parents treat their child badly due to past trauma they themselves had suffered.  Being a parent, you sometimes transfer your former aspirations into your child without acknowledging your child’s interest. So some children tend to follow others’ dreams instead of their own ones.

New parenting rules replacing strict parenting rules

Following the new parenting rules, you as a parent should do for your child rather than she does herself.

Being a parent, you need to give some freedom to your child so that she can feel relaxed, and in such way her confidence level boosts to a considerable extent.

Nobody wants to work hard, but hard working makes you strong to tackle difficult things and build your character as well, it creates courage in you to fight with hard time.

Do less not more- new parenting rule

You, as a parent, do less not more for your child because in a supervisory sense, you can uplift your child. She herself will do many tasks of her life and learn so many new things to spend a happy and successful life.

new parenting rule

There is nothing innovative about this perception; it is just the responsibility of parents to teach her in proper order so that she can improve her self-skills which are also known as life skills.

Give proper time to your child and try to listen to her carefully which makes you closer to your child.

Role of handling routine tasks in new parenting

Let your child know very basic steps from beginner level such as how to tie her shoelaces, how to travel into public places, how to negotiate her challenges and how to talk with relatives and teachers as well.

These activities are not of strict parents rather these activities are of such parents who understand their key roles to rear children and make them successful citizens.

Do not wait for the right time-new parenting rule

Do not wait for your child to be mature enough to understand all the things by herself, start helping and guiding her from the beginning. If you do that, you will be pleased, and there will be no need to be strict from your end, and this will play a key role in the character-building of your child. As a result, your child will feel good about you.

Guidelines for new parenting rules (Strict Parents)

The three-year child wants her toys, candies and something other what she likes and wants all that stuff now! She cries to get her beloved things whether it is easy or tough for you as a parent to provide it. Two options come in mind keeping this scenario in mind: the first one is that you can buy it and present it to your child; and the second one is to deal her patiently and consistently without fulfilling her desire.

After all, what should be the goal to deal with your child?

As you all know parenting is the most vital researched area in the entire arena of social sciences. Steinberg says that good parenting helps self-control, kindness cooperation, and cheerfulness and it promotes intellectual curiosity, motivation, and desire to achieve it. It helps your child to keep away from anxiety, depression, and eating disorders, and many more things that are harmful for your child.

Numerous parents base their actions on gut reaction and few parents have a better nature than others. According to Steinberg, you as a parent should neither hit your child nor even slap on your child. Always treat her affirmatively and the impact of this on your child’s mind will be very positive and lasting.

A parent’s relationship with her child

As a parent, your relationship with your child will be imitated including child behavior challenges and many more things that need to be focused. If you do not have a good relationship with your child, as a result, she will not listen to you. Consider how you, as a parent, rely on other grownups but if you have a good relationship with her you need to trust her more, listen to her opinions, and agree with her. If it is someone we just don’t like, we can also ignore her opinion sensibly and softly.

In a nutshell

New parenting style has replaced strict parenting style which was followed in the past during Victorian era. Things and situation have been changed at international level. Ways of judging things are also changing with the passage of time. So, you as a parent should understand the changing paradigms in parenting and adopt new parenting rules to refine your parenting style.

Strict Parents

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